what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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