My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
