I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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