Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
