Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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