So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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