Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
