I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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