I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize