So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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