Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
