Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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