So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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