now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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