party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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