The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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