Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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