she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
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Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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