My pussy is not your playground.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
