I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
