I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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