I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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