No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize