Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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