Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
