D3 body, D1 cock
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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