look no pants
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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