i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
