She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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