I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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