@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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