me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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