Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
