I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize