Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
