A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
