No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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