please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
