Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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