There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
