M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we're making bets on your personal life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
