how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
