apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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