just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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