i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?