i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
