I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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