I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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