I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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