You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
