I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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