Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
