Apparently you make a good broom.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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