i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
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Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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