in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
