How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
